Fear of Failure. We’ve all faced it at one time or another. But, does it stop you from doing what you feel you are meant to do, or called to do, or simply want to do? Like writing that book you’ve always wanted to write. Or perhaps, sharing your experiences and stories in a blog. Maybe it prevents you from querying an agent, or editor, or diving into self-publishing.
The fear of failure can be immobilizing. It can prevent us from reaching our goals, and sometimes prevents us from setting goals. It can stop us from living our dreams and doing the things we want to do or need to do in life. It can also prevent writers and would-be writers from expressing their thoughts and feelings through their words, or sharing their message and stories with others.
What does failure mean to you? Maybe it means that others won’t accept you, or believe you, or like you. Maybe it means you will be laughed at or ridiculed. Maybe whatever it is you want to do won’t be perfect. (Is anything in life?) Maybe it means you might not get that agent or book deal that you want. Well, you might be right.
So then what?
You can either choose to give up in the hopes you will never fail again, (not possible) or you can accept your failure, learn from it, and see the opportunities that might arise from it.
Here are some tips I hope will help you confront and manage your fear of failure. The tips come from my experiences with AFT, (The Aroma Freedom Technique) some practical advice I’ve received from others, and from my experiences in dealing with my own fear of failure.
#1) As with the first step in AFT, we must set an intention.
This intention should be something you intend to do if you knew—beyond doubt—you wouldn’t fail. Write a book. Publish a book. Start a blog. Write a newsletter. Query your dream agent. Get the picture? Write down your intention.
#2) Write down what failure means to you, as mentioned above.
#3) Identify where that fear of failure came from.
Unsupportive or critical parents? A bad teacher? Perhaps you had a bad experience in the past where you failed and had difficulty recovering. Maybe you lost a job over your “failure.” In AFT we try to capture what the negative voice in our heads is telling us. Or, pick a moment in time when we had the same emotions of unworthiness or despair. Write down what you came up with.
#4) Next, write down the absolute worst thing that can happen if you “fail” at whatever it is you want to accomplish with your writing.
What will you lose? Did you really need it anyway? How long will this affect you? Forever? A couple of weeks, days? Be honest with yourself.
#5) Establish what you have control over.
You have control over what you do with your writing. You have control over what you wish to share. But, can you control what others think, say, or do? If you could, how would that be satisfying? Maybe if you are a narcissist it would be satisfying, but I know you aren’t!
#6) Understand that others have this same fear. Even extremely successful writers. The difference is, they’ve made the choice to not let their fear of failure hold them back. One of my favorite Ted Talks of all time is Elizabeth Gilbert’s “Success, Failure and the Drive to Keep Creating.” You can find it here. I hope you are as inspired by it as I am.
#7) Write down what positive things you’ve learned from failing – no negativity here.
Did it help you to change direction or try something different? Maybe it caused a falling out with someone who only brought you down or made you feel bad about yourself. Failing is an opportunity to better yourself, learn, reflect and plan. Don’t beat yourself up. Everyone fails. It is what you do with that failure that counts.